I hoped to recapture some of the excitement lost since last June, and to that end began believing my own concocted narrative while internalizing some old, familiar criticisms: "arrogant, unforgiving, judgmental." I wondered: Had I engineered or attracted these things, as Chris might claim? Had I attracted these "negative" experiences simply with a preoccupation with negativity? I actually began to think so for a few minutes. "Hope floats, but so does bullshit. The trick is knowing the difference."
People gleefully construct rationalizations (narratives) while speaking from a position of "want" rather than one of fact in order to hold their Happy Zone! What results from this process is our "narrative." Each of us, at some time or another, blatantly refuse to see reality as it actually is. I’ve known this for a long time. I also understand that some people simply must exist dependent on these fictions. What I didn’t realize is the degree to which some desperately clutch to these narratives. Part of my own "floating bullshit" was thinking that people wanted to see this at work in their lives! Ha!
Shouldn't people embrace “I don’t know” rather than applying ridiculous egoistic explanations?
- He chose to leave me in Monterey without warning.
- I offered the chance to tell “his side” of the story.
- He declined.
- Fuck him.
What if it was taught that no one’s particularly remarkable, there’s no need to try to be special because we’re all equally, fundamentally, and hopelessly flawed…thus equal? How many MLK’s would arise from their couches?