"The world does not reward honesty and independence, it rewards obedience and service. It’s a world of concentrated power, and those who have power are not going to reward people who question that power."-Chomsky

"The trouble with self-delusion, either in a person or a society, is that reality doesn't care what anybody believes, or what story they put out. Reality doesn't "spin." Reality does not have a self-image problem. Reality does not yield its workings to self-esteem management." -J.H. Kunstler

"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows."-Dylan

Monday, October 10, 2005

10/10/05: Enough!

Near Jackson, Mississippi

Left Camp Katrina today. Did the 2 am to 4 am security shift last night, then slept until 11. After I woke up, Rick confronted me and asked if I was there to work "or pick up women," obviously referring to my friendship with Carrie and Jessica. It made no sense whatsoever and of course severely pissed me off.*

Without really making a conscious decision, I broke down my site and left. I spoke with Jeff (camp leader), a bit today and explained the situation. He asked me to reconsider, but I didn't...until I got to Jackson. The further I drove, the more uneasy I was about the decision to return to Denver. I stopped at a rest area to call Laina, then again another 15-20 miles up the road. After sitting for hours, I decided to return to camp and try to make things work. That got me almost to McComb, and then I went back the other way. I feel like an utter failure. I'll eventually look at this and smile, but not today. I’m in a state of confusion; guess I have 1400 miles to figure it out.

*I found out much later that Carrie divorced her husband, Rick left his wife and moved in with her. After learning this, it all made sense! Who was doing the picking up?!?