"The world does not reward honesty and independence, it rewards obedience and service. It’s a world of concentrated power, and those who have power are not going to reward people who question that power."-Chomsky

"The trouble with self-delusion, either in a person or a society, is that reality doesn't care what anybody believes, or what story they put out. Reality doesn't "spin." Reality does not have a self-image problem. Reality does not yield its workings to self-esteem management." -J.H. Kunstler

"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows."-Dylan

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

9/7/05: Denver-Deaf, Dumb, & Blind

Feeling antsy & the onset of complacency at the same time. Spending a lot of time trying to reacquire my political legs. In fact, that's about all I have been doing. Still trying to formulate a plan. Almost have decided on going to New Orleans, and now thinking next to nothing about North Carolina. What a difference a week makes. What else is new? I also sent an e-mail to a radio station in Mohave County, Arizona and am considering journalism again. If I choose not to do that, I need to shut the fuck up about the media. Act or watch quietly.

I'm not sure what to do. Something. I've hit the rut again; took a whole four days. I guess I need to weigh options and make a decision ASAP. New Orleans? Bus? North Carolina? Arizona? New Orleans is holding the most interest for me, because it would mean something. I like the idea of a tent for for a long period, too.

I've all but decided to do Denver again next year. Part of me wants to hit the road NOW! But, alas, I need the money and to not burn bridges at Coors Field. So, here I am again spinning my wheels until 9/25. 18 days. Two weeks four days. That's nothing.

Feeling very alone right now. I've begun to disconnect from Laina, I can feel it. I'm bothered that I haven't left the house in two days. I have no excitement left in me right now. The incident on 16th St last week; that may have sealed it for me. I was teetering anyhow. Did not need to see that. Why does this always happen?

Synchronicity? And I have sync with myself? Why it feels so good when I travel, or move? Adventure. I have ideas, yet I never get off my ass. Sleeping bag. Tent. Backpack. I guess I need to get that MP3 off to Arizona to least trying to eliminate another option. Then, if I head to New Orleans, or on Greyhound, I can use to camping stuff either way. Is North Carolina dead? Maybe. Not feeling it right now. What about working KBPI? No. Not licking that anus.

What exactly do I want? What exactly do I need to get there? That should be my focus, I suppose.